A fresher's musings

I got into Oxford. I am going to Oxford. I am an…Oxonian? (Well, it’s better than Cantabrigian – I looked it up.)

It’s all well and good applying: I had a goal then, something immediate to aspire to so that I didn’t need to worry about what would come afterwards. And at the interviews, all the students at the college made it seem as if it was the most normal place on Earth, lounging about unremarkably (in the nicest possible way) in the common room, watching ordinary, crowd-pleasing movies – not an obscure black and white French film without subtitles. Whereas, us interviewees were working our socks off trying to justify why we were there by discussing the geopolitical crises around the world.

But it was all over on results day – the preparation, the trepidation, the anticipation – in a gloriously anticlimactic manner. What I felt when I opened my envelope on results day was such a strange mixture of elation and blind panic that I felt slightly nauseous – it was a bit like drinking orange juice and chocolate Yazoo all in one go before a rollercoaster ride. I was happy because I was going to study to become a doctor in one of the best medical schools in the world, surrounded by people equally crazy about their subject; I panicked because Oxford was going to be so, so different from what I was used to and because I didn’t (and I still don't) know how to pronounce “sub fusc”.

Now, here’s where I would present a logical conclusion to detail why I am not nervous anymore and why I feel like Oxford is the perfect place for me. The truth, however, is that I have not come to any such conclusion. What I have come to understand is that uncertainty can be comforting in its own way, just because I don’t know what's going to be there on the other side when I cross the bridge – I therefore have a chance to experience everything for the first time, to learn and grow and become an interesting person. I don’t know when/if I’ll get an opportunity like this again, so hopefully I’m going to give this everything I’ve got. Although I have never been a “live life on the edge” sort of person (bungee jumpers – I admire you, but also think you are insane), I think that it’s appropriate for me to finish off with this: YOLO. 

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